Hi guys! Today’s topic is a bit heavier than usual, but I thought it was necessary to give y’all an update on my UK journey.

As many of you know, the ELCA decided a few weeks ago to send all YAGM’s (that’s me!) back to the U.S due to Covid-19. Within 48 hours of receiving that devastating news, I was on a plane headed back to the States. Even though I knew that this decision was necessary and painful for everyone involved, I was left with an ache that I couldn’t name.

When I first got back, I read something (scrolling through social media, of course!) that really stuck with me: Give Yourself Space to Grieve.

So that’s what I was feeling. Grief. And when I thought about it, it made sense. I had a deep sense of loss- lost time, lost impact, and little closure.

So, what does that even mean? Give yourself space? Trust me- after two weeks of strict quarantine, I had had enough ‘space.’ And my heart still ached from loss. I think giving yourself ‘space,’ really means allowing yourself to process, no matter how long it takes.

So, did Jesus ever grieve? Was grief something that is only for those who have selfish intentions? It turns out, Jesus did grieve. The shortest verse of the Bible comes from a story in John, where Lazarus, one of Jesus’ close friends, has died. The verse simply says, “Jesus Wept.” The creator of the universe, the all-knowing savior, who knew in the end that Lazarus would be raised from the dead, still wept. Even though He trusted and knew everything would be okay in the end- he still felt the pain of losing someone close to Him.

Some Christians think that if we really believe God is in control, that grieving will be short lived, and that our anxieties should be few. Why would we be upset if we knew that it was for the best, even if we never understood why? This obviously isn’t true- never feel guilty for grieving. Jesus wept. Grief is Holy.

Let me say it again: The Son of God, one-third of the Holy Trinity, Savior of the World-grieved. He felt stress, He felt heartache, He felt betrayal- all of these emotions that come from living in this world. Don’t get me wrong-Jesus trusted God’s plan- but he still felt pain.

So, friend: whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, cancelled plans, or missing your community, please know that grief is not the absence of trusting God. Grief is a God-given emotion, and serves a purpose. I am trusting God with whatever He has for me, but my heart is still broken. I miss my girls, my coworkers, and my extended ‘family’ that I grew so close to over the last eight months. I am hurting, but I am trusting.

Grief Is Not The Absence of Trusting God.